A GUIDE TO SEX FOR COMPLETE IDIOTS
1. Oral sex does not mean talking to each other.
2. A condom is not needed for when you are doing it alone.
3. Herpes is not the name of a Greek god.
4. On the same note, oral contraception goes beyond just saying 'NO'.
5. For it not to be a crime, mutual consent is necessary.
6. No woman would ever be desperate enough to sleep with you at first sight. If this happens be sure you pay her, otherwise you will suffer major physical pain.
7. Abstinence is not a kinky position.
8. Don't tell potential girlfriends that you have a severe Oedipus complex.
9. A bad line to use is, "They took 40% off during my circumcision".
10. Speed is not a virtue.